can u get pink eye on your cock?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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