Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
