Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
