i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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