addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
