I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
