Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
