Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
