Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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