Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
