I feel great
I just peed on a car
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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