maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
