i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
