So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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