So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
