I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
