dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
