sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
