he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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