Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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