I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
