Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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