I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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