i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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