Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
