come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
