I wanna passion pit in your ass
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
