You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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