So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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