I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
