just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
