i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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