he shaved USA in his pubs
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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