did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
