I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
