I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Randomize
