Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
