You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
