this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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