Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
