I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
