I am puke
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
