Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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