I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
