I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
