Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize