thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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