Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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