If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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