i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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