8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
