He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
