i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Randomize
