not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
