My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
