her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize