dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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