I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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