You can't special order awesome
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
