All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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