Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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