Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
