let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
