I think my fart just growled at me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
