Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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