You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
