He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
