just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
