so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
