somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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