i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
