You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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