It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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