Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
