i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize