So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
