worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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