When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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