Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We left an ass print on the piano.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
