Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
