no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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